november 30, 2008

"New Moon"
Chapter 4, Waking Up

very difficult to read. it felt too real.

november 24, 2008

i'm sorry, mr. wolf. i really am. i'll get it together.

november 23, 2008

is it weird that i'm more inspired by sadness and death? or that i have an easier time acting out said emotions?

november 20, 2008

"There is only one way to really get over someone who you have been in love with, and that is to become another person. This is really the only reason why people fall out of love with each other. The fights, and tantrums, the small and big flaws (she makes that noise when she chews, he has no ambition) are never enough to really make you fall out of love. Feel betrayed, or irritated or angry, yes. But falling out of love requires shift of perspective, and thus, shift of desire. Like looking at an old shirt and thinking, 'God, how could I have ever thought that was cool?" Sometimes we do it together, each person growing and changing till you turn around and look at each other and know that's it, except for nostalgia. Sometimes it happens while you are still together, whether you want it to or not, and it hurts like hell, wishing you were still capable of being that person you used to be, the one who fell in love, the one your lover fell in love with. Sometimes it doesn't happen till a long, long time afterwards, and there is still the three-in-the-morning ache, the in-jokes with their pointed poignancy, the missing."

yes. i see it.

november 17, 2008

i used to feel i could wait for that "certain someone", but now i wish they'd hurry up. i'm constantly reminded, now, that you're out there. constantly reminded i deserve better, when really, i think i just deserve what i want.

which makes no sense. i just hate going along with the majority.

november 13, 2008

i never feel like i'm good enough, and the only person that's really holding me back is myself.

november 9, 2008

this weekend was good, but i did find it hard to enjoy myself at the rave. i remembered when we used to talk about going.

november 6, 2008

i worry. i wait and see if you'll do something to take the worry away, reassure me that i have no need, but you always seem off nowadays. i guess the most i can do is be there, without always reminding you i'm there. just be there and wait for you to come.

november 4, 2008

and suddenly, i miss you again. but i'm okay.

november 3, 2008

this weekend is Nekocon, and i couldn't be more excited. this is my weekend away...

november 2, 2008

thank you, patrick.

november 1, 2008

i'm kind of...proud of myself for yesterday. it sounds dumb, but it was an accomplishment for me. the day before was good, too.